Orientation
by Vertikalen
Summary: It was a simple request really. And it wasn't as if he had anything better to do.


**A/N**: Okay, I don't know what this is. But I think it's Ballpoints NEW BIRTHMAS PRESENT! For those of you ignorant in the tradition of New Birthmas, let me give you the run down. It is when you promise someone a story for their birthday in November, don't get around to writing it and promise to have it up as a Christmas combination birthday present by December 25th, and then don't get around to writing it until the New Year. Hence the name "New Birthmas". I'm a terrible person aren't I?

Anyway, Happy Birthday Ballpoints. And Merry Christmas! And Happy New Year… I know I'm like… a month late for new years and it just gets worse from there BUT IT'S THE THOUGHT THAT COUNTS.

I had no idea what to put as the summary for this story as I don't think it really has a plot. It's just… hey look, things are happening and Roy is there! Awesome.

So… I hope you all enjoy! But mostly Ballpoints… since it was kind of written for her.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

"It's a favor to Aquaman."

"A favor _you_ owe Aquaman," he shot back, glaring at his mentor as Ollie tried to hide a barely suppressed smile behind his hand.

"Roy, don't be difficult—" Ollie began, before being cut off by an indignant snort from his protégé.

"I have other things to do," the young archer grumbled. "Better things."

And that was a total lie, but Ollie didn't have to know.

"Like what!" he laughed as his sports car pulled into the parking lot of a nondescript diner. "Roy, other than beating up bad guys, you have no hobbies."

"I do too." Glaring angrily out the window of the car he tried to come up with an example. After a moment he turned back to his mentor.

"Watching Oprah and eating ice cream in your underwear does not count as a hobby."

"That was one time!" Roy barked turning quickly away. "And you should have called if you wanted to go out on patrol! Not just kicked in my window like a crazy person."

Ollie rolled his eyes. "Roy, I pay your cable bill. I know what you watch. And can I just say your taste in television is appalling—"

"Goodbye, Oliver." Roy yanked open the passenger door and jumped out as Ollie grinned wolfishly at his back. The Leaguer had known he was going to get his way right from the start.

"Play nice. And try not to be…" he waved his hand vaguely. "You know…"

"You owe me. Big time."

"It was either you, or Robin and Kid Flash."

Crossing his arms Roy sighed. The two of them were bad enough on their own, but together... "The lesser of two evils I guess."

Ollie nodded knowingly. "Could you imagine what would happen if we let them do this?"

So many terrible things. "Goodbye Oliver."

"You're the best Roy."

This elicited a glare from his protégé. "Don't mock me."

"Don't be so touchy!" Ollie shouted as Roy slammed the door and trudged up towards the diner's entrance. Unrolling the window he continued: "And be nice! He's new!"

With a laugh he sped out of the parking lot, cutting off a taxi that honked angrily. Roy paused then, a horrible realization dawning on him. He couldn't remember what the name of Aquaman's sidekick was. When Ollie had burst into his apartment, interrupting his third bowl of cereal of the morning, he had made a mental note to find out the guy's name.

But he hadn't. And to top it off the archer had no idea what he looked like. Save for the vague description Ollie had given: "He's, uh, Atlantean."

His name started with a 'K' and Roy was almost certain there was an apostrophe in there somewhere, but other than that he was at a complete loss.

Cursing Ollie quietly as he pulled open the diner door, Roy sighed. It was so like his partner to push something like this on someone else. No warning, no explanation, just, "do it and I'll owe you one."

As it turned out, Ollie owed Roy a lot.

It seemed that day that the odds were in Roy's favor; there was only one other person in the diner. Unfortunately (and he was fairly certain of this) it wasn't Aqualad.

The man was huge. The stool he was sitting on was lost in the folds of his thighs, and his chins wobbled as he turned to look towards the door. Looking Roy up and down he gave a slight shrug and went back to his previous endeavor – wolfing down huge forkfuls of syrup drenched pancake, egg, and what looked like bacon.

Roy slipped into a corner booth, near the door, trying to ignore the way his gut turned as the man slurped and smacked his lips in between mouthfuls. And the archer had thought watching Wally eat was bad. He sunk back into his seat and groaned inwardly. Hopefully, he wouldn't be kept waiting long.

It was halfway through the coffee he had ordered when the door of the diner swung in, ringing the bell that was suspended from the ceiling. Roy sat forward in his seat as a tall, dark skinned guy about his age walked in.

He looked completely lost, and since Aquaman's trusty sidekick was either him or the bottomless pit over at the bar Roy decided he'd take his chances.

Throwing a couple bills on the table he slid out of the booth. The new arrival turned around, confusion turning to relief as he caught sight of the red haired youth.

"Roy?" he asked, tugging at the sleeve of his jacket.

"Yeah," Roy replied, cursing silently. Aqualad knew his name. Shit. "Hi."

"It is nice to meet you," he said politely, slowly.

Ka… Kam? Crap. What _was_ his name? Roy's mind was racing.

Offhandedly he nodded. "Uh, yeah, you too."

There was an apostrophe. Kam'der? He wracked his brain as he motioned towards the door. "So, you want to head out?"

Aqualad shot a look over his shoulder at the unfinished cup of coffee. "If you are done."

"No, it's fine. C'mon." Roy strode towards the door, hoping to buy himself enough time to figure out the guy's name.

Wally and Robin had mentioned him the last time they had broken into his apartment. Of course, Roy had only been half listening. He was too busy trying to move anything breakable to the safety of his bedroom.

"You'll like him," one of them had said.

"He's totally your type," the other had finished.

Then they had both laughed and selected some pay per view horror flick that they watched while eating all of the food they could find in the fridge. Yeah. Good times with the terrible twosome.

"I am Kaldur'ahm," the Atlantean said, interrupting Roy's train of thought.

Roy nodded. He had known there was an apostrophe.

"Yeah, Green Arrow mentioned, uh, that," he replied quickly, without thinking.

"My friend's call me Kaldur," Aqualad continued.

"Right… okay, well, what do you want to do today Kaldur?" Roy asked, walking down the street, hands in his pockets, as Kaldur trailed behind him.

A car whizzed by as Kaldur shrugged. "I do not know. What is it you normally do?"

Deeming, "I sit around in my underwear all day and watch really trashy talk shows and infomercials" as an unsuitable answer Roy shrugged. "Patrolling takes up a lot of my time. We could go downtown if—" then he was interrupted by an all too familiar laugh.

And everything went to hell.

"You want to be bored out of your skull," came Robin's voice from behind somewhere behind them, finishing the archer's sentence. "Wally, is downtown Star City lame?"

"Ugh, totally," the speedster replied, appearing at Kaldur's shoulder as Roy spun around. "Roy, what are you thinking? Downtown Star City is no place for a first date."

The archer clenched his jaw, ignoring the impulse to wipe the smug grin off the freckled face with his fist. "You—"

"You two are lucky you have us," Robin chided, throwing his arm around Wally's shoulder, "to guide you."

Narrowing his eyes Roy looked from one to the other. "You two should leave."

Wally shot Robin a wry grin.

"No can do," the Boy Wonder said. "By the power vested in us—"

"By who!" Roy snapped.

"We now proclaim this a double date," Robin continued, heedless of the interruption. "We're going to have so much fun."

"A double date?" Kaldur asked, looking from the archer to the two grinning idiots to his right.

Roy groaned. "Ugh, just go with it. We're not going to get rid of them now."

Wally, still grinning, nodded. "Right you are!"

"Aquaman informed me this would be my orientation to the surface world," Kaldur said to Roy, as their two newly acquired companions began to make their way down the street.

"Double date, orientation, it's all the same," Robin said dismissively.

Roy turned to Kaldur, who appeared to be trying to rationalize this apparent connection between the two terms. "They are not the same. They're completely different." He turned to Robin. "This is why you aren't doing this! And aren't you supposed to be in Gotham?"

"Please, as if we would pass this up," he said nodding to Wally. "We skipped school for this. Now c'mon, we're burning daylight. Let's get a move on. We've got lots to see."

Kaldur jogged to catch up with them as Roy whipped out his cell and fired off an angry text to Ollie. The green archer's response was immediate and infuriating: "lol".

"And where are we going?" Roy heard Kaldur ask.

"It wouldn't be any fun if it wasn't a surprise," Wally replied.

"For you two maybe," Roy growled as he fell into step beside them. "I, however, would like to know where we're going."

"Well this isn't about you," Robin chided. "This is about the newest addition to our threesome—"

"Foursome now," Wally corrected.

"Foursome," Robin agreed. "So I think it should be Kaldur's decision."

"I do like surprises," Kaldur conceded after a moment.

Wally and Robin grinned. Roy tried to hide his pained expression.

"Y'hear that Roy?" Wally asked. "Kaldur likes surprises."

"I don't think Roy likes surprises," Robin observed.

Wally shook his head. "Naw, that depends on the nature of the surprise."

The two of them looked at Kaldur. And then to Roy.

"Like I said," Wally continued. "It's all in the nature of the surprise."

"But then there's also the orientation of the surprise," Robin added.

"Right, but who says the surprise can't go both ways…"

Unable to control themselves any longer they broke down into uncontrollable laughter. Fuming Roy stomped past them and continued down the street. Leave it to the Boy Wonder and his trusty partner to turn a simple task into a complete circus.

"What is so funny?" Kaldur asked, keeping pace beside Roy as he looked back worriedly at Wally and Robin. The two of them, unable to stand on their own accord were leaning heavily on one another's shoulders, still laughing.

"With the two of them, not understanding is a good thing," the archer replied, trying to keep his voice steady as the two stooges stumbled along behind them howling with laughter.

Reaching the end of the street Robin had collected himself enough to once again take the lead. As the group turned down an alleyway Roy knew where they were going.

"How did you get clearance to—"

"What you don't know, can't hurt you," Wally interrupted waggling his finger at the older boy.

Robin grinned. "Chill out Roy, it's all good."

"I hate you both."

Wally nudged Kaldur with his elbow. "He says that a lot. But we know he's lying."

"We know our unannounced visits to his apartment are the most enjoyable times in his otherwise dreary existence," Robin added.

"Yes, the way you've repeatedly broken in through my ventilation system is so endearing," Roy snorted.

"Why would you not knock on his door?" Kaldur asked. "That is the custom here, is it not?"

"Well he locks the front door," Wally pointed out. "And even if we knocked he'd just ignore us."

"That is not customary," Robin added. "That is what we like to call rude."

"You could pick that lock faster than Wally could eat a tub of ice cream," Roy griped.

"Touché," the speedster replied. "But what fun is breaking and entering when it's so easy?"

"Breaking and entering is illegal," Kaldur said plainly.

"Not when it's Roy's apartment," Wally explained.

Kaldur's brows knitted together in contemplation of the fact. "I still believe that it is illegal."

Robin laughed. "We have so much to teach you."

Wally nodded and patted Kal on the shoulder. "Don't worry. You seem like a fast learner."

As the four of them stopped before the decrepit stairwell that led to one of Star City's unused subway stations Roy sighed. It was going to be a long day.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Roy blinked as he and Kaldur stepped out of the fourth arcade Wally and Robin had insisted they visit. The two of them, still elated by their superior skills at Dance Step Revolution, were strutting ahead touting a very large, very ugly, plush rabbit. Said rabbit had been bought with tickets won by the wonder duo and was apparently their 'welcome to the surface' gift for Kaldur.

"Notice how Roy didn't get you anything," Wally said as the four of them walked down the street.

"He's selfish like that," Robin added. "Don't worry, you get used to it."

Kaldur shot the archer a sidelong glance. "Roy did volunteer to orientate me in the ways of the surface. I do not think he is selfish."

Wally grinned at Robin.

Robin grinned at Wally.

Roy wished, not for the first time that day that he had never gotten out of bed.

"You're right Kal, Roy did volunteer to orientate you," Robin said. "He's just a good gay."

"You mean guy?" Wally snorted, fighting down laughter.

"I mean what I say."

Again, uncontrollable laughter, Kaldur looking confused. Roy had to admit he was starting to see a pattern. One that he hoped would not be repeated at any time in the future.

"Ugh, just ignore them," he sighed.

"They enjoy saying things that bother you," Kaldur observed.

Uttering a short bark of laughter Roy shrugged. "They enjoy doing it to everyone."

Wally shot a glance back at Kaldur. "But we have to effectively immerse Kaldur in surface life. Plus, we're not the only ones who like 'doing it to everyone'."

Robin grinned. "Well played."

Ignoring the comment, Roy stopped in his tracks. "The only thing you're doing effectively is confusing him. He has no idea what you're saying!"

"Roy, please, you don't give him enough credit," Robin said dismissively. "Kal, do you know what's going on?"

He looked from Roy to the two boys looking expectantly back at him. "I thought I did… but no I do not."

Wally turned to Robin.

"Success," he informed his friend. "This calls for pizza."

Wally nodded. "And a movie."

"You see, this is why I keep you around."

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

After all of Roy's cash had been sufficiently spent by Robin and Wally on movie tickets, pizza, popcorn, popcorn for Kaldur without butter, pop, and, Twizzlers (obtained solely for the purpose of throwing at those sitting in the rows below them which horrified Kaldur), the dynamic duo was finally done.

As the four of them walked out of the theatre, having enjoyed an hour and a half of things exploding, Wally and Robin beamed up at Roy.

"Thanks for the date Roy," Wally quipped.

"Yeah, we should go out again sometime," Robin added.

Having realized halfway through the day that he should just give up on the concept of ever having normal friends Roy sighed. "I'm sure we will."

"He's right," Robin said to Kaldur. "We will."

"Oh definitely," Wally agreed.

"I would like that," Kaldur added.

Robin and Wally grinned.

"Y'hear that Roy?"

"You've secured yourself a second date," the Wally congratulated.

Robin laughed. "But let's be serious, it was all us."

Wally nodded. "Totally."

Roy just glared at the two younger boys.

Kaldur looked confused.


End file.
